“Lori and Reba Schappell may be twins, but they are very different people. Reba is somewhat shy and has recorded an award-winning album of country music. Lori is outgoing, wisecracking, works in a hospital and wants someday to marry and have children. They occasionally argue, as sisters do, but most of the time they get on well, complimenting each other, teasing each other, and finishing each other’s sentences. In fact, there are just two unusual things about Lori and Reba. The first is that they share a blood supply, part of a skull, and some brain tissue, having been joined at the forehead since birth. One side of Lori’s forehead is attached to one side of Reba’s and they have spent every moment of their lives locked together, face-to-face.”
Daniel Todd Gilbert relates this in his book Stumbling on Happiness. Are these sisters happy? What do you think?
Gilbert goes on to say, “The second unusual thing about Lori and Reba is that they are happy – not merely resigned or contented, but joyful, playful and optimistic.” When asked if they would like to be surgically separated, their answer is an emphatic “no!”
Does the happiness of these conjoined twins surprise you? What makes you happy?
How about winning the lottery? Would that make you happy?
There have been lots of studies about what happens. Listen to what a 2012 article in Forbes magazine says:
“The most frequently-cited study was published back in 1978 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Researchers interviewed Illinois State Lottery winners and compared them with non-winners and with people who had suffered a terrible accident that left them paraplegic or quadriplegic. Each group answered a series of questions aimed at measuring their happiness level. The study found that the overall happiness levels of lottery winners spiked when they won but returned to pre-winning levels after just a few months. In terms of overall happiness, the lottery winners were not significantly happier than the non-winners. The accident victims were slightly less happy, but not by much.” (Susan Adams. “Why Winning Powerball Won’t Make You Happy.” Forbes, November 28, 2012.)
This study helped provide key evidence to the basic principle that people feel much more joy and satisfaction from something they have earned through their own effort rather than something like the winnings of a lottery. For example, if you praise a child for the achievement of something that he has made no effort to achieve, the praise is shallow and brings no satisfaction. On the other hand, if the child has done something really difficult, the joy and satisfaction he receives from accomplishing the goal is far more lasting than any praise.
As I look into your faces, I see a lot of happy people here at BYU–Hawaii. Take 30 seconds and think about one or two conditions in life which bring happiness to you.
(30 second pause)
Over the past few weeks, I have asked this same question to all kinds of different people: What makes you happy, or what do you believe helps people to be happy? Here are some of the responses:
Continuously striving and progressing toward a goal
Having the Holy Ghost with me
Finding comfort in the trials and conflicts of life
The Gospel brings happiness
A good relationship with my family
You have to choose to be happy
You make your own happiness
You are happy when you love people
You are happy when you feel loved by someone
Being a missionary and helping someone come to the Savior
Being comfortable in your own skin
Happiness is about serving other people
Happiness is repentance and a long-term perspective of the Atonement
So, what is happiness, and more important, how can we become happy people? Today I want to focus on how to be happy in mortality.
First, we know that Alma referred to the plan of salvation, which is also the plan of redemption, as “the plan of happiness” (Alma 42:8). What is this plan, and why is it a plan for happiness?
In the scriptures, there are many words for the idea of happiness. In his advice to his son Jacob, Lehi says, “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). Does this mean that the destiny of man on this earth is one continual state of joy and happiness? Is this really what Lehi is saying? The answer is a resounding no! Earlier in Lehi’s sermon, he expounds on one of the most important truths of the Gospel: “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one” (2 Nephi 2:11). He continues, “If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God” (2 Nephi 2:13).
Lehi introduces one of the most important principles of the cosmos: there is opposition in all things. All of us who are put here on this earth are here not only to experience joy but also to experience pain, sorrow and the many miseries of mortality. When Christ came to this earth, he was perfect in every way. He was the only man without sin. Yet “he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11-12).
Obviously, Christ experienced a lot of opposition. Apparently, one of the reasons is so that he could better understand us. Like Christ, all of us have had and will continue to have and know the sufferings and difficulties of this mortal life.
This idea of having joy at the same time that we are experiencing sorrows and sufferings is one of the basic principles of the plan of happiness. Christ experienced sufferings in mortality, yet he spoke of feeling joy. Consider our Heavenly Father. He is perfect, and we know that he is happy in the most fully developed way. In fact, it is his plan for us that gives us the opportunity to be happy. However, at the same time, Heavenly Father experiences great grief and disappointment and sometimes even anger at the disobedience of His children.
We are different from God in that our mortal state brings with it opposition and suffering, some of which is just part of being mortal. Sometimes, other people’s choices cause us to suffer: physical, emotional, and mental pain, betrayal, abandonment, suicide, incest, divorce, death. I know from personal experience that these things can come to us or those we love. We often cry out in pain at the suffering caused by others or our mortal state. In our pain, we can find solace, peace, and joy as we focus on our blessings and on the knowledge that Heavenly Father and Christ fully understand our pain and are there to comfort us.
However, sometimes the pains of this life come from our own personal choices to be disobedient. Sin brings profound unhappiness.
Satan has a plan opposite to the plan of happiness. His plan is not voluntary. It is the fake plan of happiness. Under Satan’s plan, what appears to bring happiness is emotions basically rooted in selfishness and pride. In reality, it is the plan of unhappiness and captivity. In talking to Zeezrom, Alma says, “And thou seest that we know that thy plan was a very subtle plan, as to the subtlety of the devil. … [And] this was a snare of the adversary, which he has laid to catch this people, that he might bring you into subjection unto him, that he might encircle you about with his chains, that he might chain you down to everlasting destruction, according to the power of his captivity” (Alma 12:4, 6). All of us know about Satan’s plan. Every one of us, to one degree or another, has followed part of his plan.
What great joy it brings to us that Heavenly Father’s plan provided our Savior Jesus Christ. His Atonement provides the only way we can cast off the chains and unhappiness of Satan’s plan. Therefore, as children of a loving Heavenly Father, each of us has the capacity and opportunity to feel joy, to become happy people. In fact, it is because we are His children that we can be like him and emulate His condition of feeling joy. The possibility of feeling joy is part of our inheritance as sons or daughters of God. Unfortunately, the principle of opposition, which is part of the plan of happiness, brings with it the frailties, sufferings, and temptations of mortality.
My business partner says there are two ways through life: the hard way and the really hard way. When we keep the commandments and live the gospel, we are going through life the HARD WAY. When we follow Satan, we are being foolish, and we are going through life the REALLY HARD WAY.
Sister Woolley and I recently returned from Russia. The people of Russia have suffered for centuries, first under the autocratic rule of the Czars and next under the difficult and dreadful rule of the Soviet Communists. With the breaking down of the Iron Curtain came the opportunity for the restored gospel to be preached to the people there. Missionaries came to Russia in 1991. People were hungry for freedom, and many were eager to learn about the gospel. With the gospel came a great joy for the thousands who embraced it.
Here in Hawaii, I am always greeted with a smile by most everyone I meet. There is a joy here which is radiated by the enthusiasm of your expressions and by the wonderful Aloha spirit. In Russia, there are few smiles. In fact, in Soviet times, Russian school children were routinely punished if they smiled when a school picture was being taken.
I would like to illustrate some ways that people have become happy through some of our experiences in Russia.
One cold, dark, winter day, I was waiting at the exit from the subway station in Moscow to meet two members of the Church whom I had never before met. I told them to recognize me by my missionary badge. The members were late in arriving. I stood there for about half an hour, watching many hundreds of Russians leaving the subway on their way home to their apartments after a day’s work. I looked into the faces and eyes of the people. I saw no smiles. I saw people who appeared to be depressed, angry, and burdened with all the world’s problems and harshness. I thought deeply about this. I was troubled and saddened to see the people that way. I wanted them to have what we have. I wanted them to be able to feel the joy of having the gospel, to understand the plan of salvation, and to have the love of the Savior in their lives. Suddenly, as I was thinking about these people, the two members of the Church exited the subway. They had big smiles on their faces. I recognized them immediately. To me, it was like two light bulbs came walking through the door. Their expressions portrayed the brightness and joy that they were experiencing in their lives. Of course, they had challenges in their lives, but because they were keeping the commandments, they had the joy of the gospel too, and they radiated this joy.
The first sacrament meeting I attended in Russia was at a small branch in the city of Kaluga. Only about 12 members attended the meeting. As I looked into the audience, I saw Sister Lydia Denisova. She was 83 years old. Though all her teeth were gone, she had a big smile on her face. She sang the hymns with gusto and enthusiasm. I thought about how Sister Lydia was just as old and wrinkly as every other babushka I saw on the streets, but unlike almost every babushka I had seen, her countenance shone with joy, shone with the happiness of the gospel and the fruits of righteousness and service. Brother Denisova, her husband, had been the branch president, but at ninety years old and almost blind, he was too old to carry out that calling. And yet, there he was still serving. I felt humbled as he served me the sacrament.
Near the end of our three years in Russia, the Denisovas were no longer able to come to church because they weren’t able to walk well enough to leave their apartment. Sister Woolley and I visited them. We found them living on the fifth floor of a walk-up, one-room apartment. The walls were decorated with pictures of the prophets and of the temple. On the tables were copies of the scriptures and the Liahona magazine. We had a wonderful visit. I asked Sister Denisova if she was happy. She told me that she was very happy. She told me of her many blessings: how she had been blessed to receive the gospel 15 years earlier, how she and her husband had been married in the temple. She was thankful to the Lord that she had enough to eat and a warm apartment. She didn’t moan or complain about the fact that she couldn’t walk or leave the apartment. Her gratitude, despite the opposition in her life, made Sister Lydia a happy person. She truly exhibited a state of joy. Her commitment to keeping the commandments and her deep-seated humility had given her the peace that the Savior offers despite what many of us might say was a difficult existence. Some of us might keep the commandments but not feel very happy if we were cooped up in an apartment with no way to leave for many months. Like Lydia, we need to be grateful and positive. We need to chose to be happy.
A brother in one of our other branches had served a prison sentence for abuse. He lost his family, his church membership, and his priesthood blessings. However, after being released, he sought out the Church. He repented; he partook of the Atonement. He was rebaptized and worked hard to be worthy to receive the Melchizedek priesthood. I remember well how joyful he was when we ordained him. He had given in to sin, to opposition, but his subsequent repentance brought him great happiness.
Roman was baptized a few years ago in the city of Ryazan, Russia. He grew up in an orphanage, having never known his parents. After leaving the orphanage, he went to work doing manual labor in a factory. At age 35, he met the missionaries and immediately embraced the gospel message and was baptized. He recognized the great joy and happiness realized through helping others. His whole life became one of serving others. One day, he saw a drunken alcoholic who was begging on the street. He took him into his home and fed him. He brought him to church, but at first, the missionaries didn’t want to teach such a smelly and filthy person. Roman helped lift Vladimir out of the depths of despair. He gave him new clothes to wear, he helped him get a job, he gave him a place to live, and finally he introduced the gospel to him. You would be amazed at the transformation in the life of Vladimir as he repented and accepted baptism. He became a different man because of the love and service of Roman. Roman helped everybody in that small branch. He went to the home of a destitute member who was bedridden and whose house was full of cockroaches. He cleaned the whole house and even bathed and cut the hair of the woman’s severely retarded son. Because he serves others, Roman is one of the happiest people I have known.
As a missionary, I had the blessing to watch the transformation of many people as they gained a testimony, accepted baptism, and changed their lives through repentance and keeping the commandments. I was continually amazed at the difference I saw in the countenances of these people and the expressions of joy they gave to all people around them. I can’t help but ponder our Heavenly Father’s feelings toward them, toward all of us. As they are His children, what joy He must have felt with and for them as they returned to the path that leads to eternal joy.
Life continued to be hard for the people in Russia who joined the Church. In fact, many times, they had many more problems and difficulties and sometimes fell away. I am reminded of Lehi’s dream of the tree of life. You will remember that the fruit of the tree of life is “most precious and most desirable above all other fruits; yea, and it is the greatest of all the gifts of God” (1 Nephi 15:36). These Russian converts were partaking of the fruit of the tree because they had repented, were living the gospel, and were enjoying the Spirit of the Holy Ghost which attended them. You will also remember what happened to those in Lehi’s dream who had partaken of the fruit of the tree and had “cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed. And they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost” (1 Nephi 8:25, 28). These people succumbed to the opposition in their lives. I can remember many people in Russia who had partaken of the fruit of the tree, fell away through disobedience, and became very sad.
How does all this relate to you? How can you be happy in your life? From these stories, and from the experience of our prophets, it is clear “wickedness never was happiness.” In an effort to influence our children, my wife once wrote this scripture on our kitchen calendar. My father-in-law saw this and added “Righteousness always is happiness.” Of course, everything in our lives will not be perfect, even if we strive mightily to be righteous. However, when we are keeping the commandments, we are able to receive a great deal of joy. That joy and happiness comes from the Spirit of the Holy Ghost and is what the Savior refers to as His “peace” when he says, “My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you” (John 14:27).
Can only members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints be happy? Of course not. We all know people who are not members of our church who are happy. I believe they are happy because they apply the true principles which help all people to be happy. Generally, they are keeping the commandments, living lives of love, service, and goodness which naturally brings happiness to them.
Let me review seven important aspects of gospel living which will help all of us to become joyful people.
First, continue keeping the commandments. Remember the two “light bulbs” who were keeping the commandments. Keeping the commandments is the first principle of happiness. Keep the commandments to become a joyful person.
Second, be positive in your life. President Hinckley said, “I am an optimist! … My plea is that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life, we ‘accentuate the positive’” ( Standing for Something (2000), 101). In order to do this, you need to train your mind to think positive thoughts and express them to others. When you express your positive thoughts, you train your mind to actually feel more positive and happy than you might otherwise feel. Part of being positive is being grateful. Remember Sister Lydia and how she was so positive and grateful even when we might think her life wasn’t so great? Be positive and grateful to become a joyful person.
Third, remember the man who repented and was rebaptized. If you want to be happy, you must continually repent and take upon you the Atonement of Christ. Repent to become a joyful person.
Fourth, develop love and charity toward all men. If we truly love people, we will have feelings of joy in our lives. We can learn to forgive. We can learn to rejoice in others’ successes rather than feeling jealous. Actually, it is not helpful or productive to happiness to compare ourselves with others, either those more or less fortunate. We can follow Mormon’s admonition to pray for charity with all the energy of our hearts. True love requires service and being concerned for the other person, so if you want to be happy, love and help someone else. Remember Roman. Spend time helping others. For instance, be a great home teacher or visiting teacher. Develop charity and serve others to become a joyful person.
Fifth, be proactive in relationships, especially in family life. Part of that great plan of happiness is to come to this earth and obtain a body. One of the first commandments God gave to Adam and Eve when they were placed on the earth was to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Moses 2:28). Many of you in this audience are not married and cannot live this commandment yet. However, you will receive great blessings and a huge leap in the happiness in your life if you will find your eternal companion, get married, and have the joys of a family. I particularly counsel you young men to live up to your responsibility. Be a man. Become a husband and a father. Become a joyful person.
Sixth, be anxiously engaged in a good cause. Nearly everyone I talked to about being happy talked about the satisfaction of doing something, accomplishing something. Remember the lottery winners. Happiness comes from EARNED satisfaction. This is the time in your life to set goals and work toward achieving them. If you want to be happy, get working at it. Don’t spend your time fooling around with video games and procrastinating your homework. Rather, do, study, learn. Prepare yourself while you have this wonderful opportunity here at BYU–Hawaii. There is great joy to be found in solid accomplishment. Work hard to become a joyful person
Finally, King Benjamin talks about “the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God” (Mosiah 2:41). He further teaches us how we can always rejoice and then makes a promise to us: “As you have come to a knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith. ... And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins” (Mosiah 4:11-12). To keep being happy, you must not only keep the commandments, but you must remember God and be thankful to Him for all your blessings. Be thankful to become a joyful person.
In closing, I want to bear you my testimony that the gospel is true. We have a living prophet who helps us understand God’s commandments so we can better live them. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Lehi’s dream about the tree of life is a real story for you and me. In this life, each of us can feel the “exceedingly great joy” he describes (1 Nephi 8:12) as we partake of the fruit. Each of us can repent, keep the commandments, and access the Atonement. Our Heavenly Father loves each of us and yearns for us to know His peace and feel His joy and become joyful people. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.