Aloha, brothers and sisters. I’m delighted to have this opportunity. What a privilege you have to study and learn and be here at this great university where you can prepare for a career; where you can socialize with each other; and, most importantly, where you can learn truth. There is nothing quite as exciting as learning new truth. I hope that you’ll enjoy every day. Don’t ever say to yourself “I’m anxious for school to be over so I can get on with my life.” This is a wonderful time of life.
Here is some good advice from an old proverb: “Look well to this day, for it is life—the very life of life. In it lies all the realities and verities of existence - - the bliss of growth, the glory of action, the splendor of beauty. For yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow only a vision. But today well-lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day, for today alone, is life. Such is the salutation of the dawn.”1 Wonderful counsel.
I would like to introduce my subject by relating a brief experience from my days as a student.
I loved basketball, but I took it much too seriously. And, sometimes, I became too competitive. You should know that in medical school I was given the “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Athletic Award” by my classmates two years in a row. Submissive, meek, and kind, are not adjectives that would have sprung to your mind watching me play basketball—or any other sport. One evening, in a hotly contested basketball game, I was leveled by a vicious elbow to the chest by an opponent. That time, thankfully, I simply walked away and sat on the bench until I had cooled off. The game went along. A priesthood leader who happened to be watching the game came up to me after and mentioned to me that he was impressed with the amount of self-control that he had seen on my part. Fortunately, he had not witnessed some of my earlier games. In this instance, the difference was simply good, old-fashioned self-control.
Nine days ago, Elder Nelson asked you this question:
What will you choose?
This morning, here is the question I have for you:
Are you in control?
Of yourself?
Self-control is a magnificent part of one’s character. This is the matter I would like to discuss with you. I pray that the Spirit of the Lord will be with us while we talk.
Now, whenever we discuss any gospel subject, I think it is useful to organize the subject like this: First, the doctrine. What are the underlying doctrines related to this topic? Second, the principles. What principles relate? And third, the application. How do we apply the doctrines and principles in real life situations?
Doctrine is pure revealed truth—the foundation. Doctrine explains the “Why” of a subject. Principles are guidelines derived from the doctrine. Principles explain the “What” of a subject. Application answers the “How.” Too often, when discussing a gospel subject, we jump directly to the application, the “How to(s),” and skip over the underlying doctrine, the why, and the principles, the what.
So first, doctrine. There are three fundamental doctrines of the gospel which are taught in the second chapter of 2 Nephi:
1. (Agency:) We are taught in this chapter that “God gave unto man that he should act for himself.”2 The children of men are “free forever knowing good from evil…to act for themselves and not to be acted upon.”3 Our Heavenly Father gave us our agency—the right and ability to make our own choices. We are free to act and not to be controlled. Without agency, of course, we would be puppets, robots, with no independence, no ability to grow and learn on our own.
2. (Opposition:) A second important doctrine taught in this chapter in 2 Nephi that is related to the first is that there must be “opposition in all things.” Verse 11 reads, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad.” Opposition is necessary for there to be any authentic agency.
3. A third doctrine is in verse 25: (Joy): “Men are that they might have joy.” Joy comes from using our agency to choose to live the commandments in God’s plan for us. The only true joy comes from making righteous choices. “Wickedness never was happiness,” …but it must be our choice. God will not compel us. Compulsion was Satan’s plan.
Your choices are real. This is not a game, and all of us will make mistakes from time to time. It is inevitable. There could be no true freedom without this agency, and there is no true agency without risk of genuine consequences if we make bad choices. And, therefore, it follows naturally that there can be no real freedom without real risk. Using our freedom, our agency, to make righteous choices and sound decisions is a great source of joy and keeps us safe from these very real risks.
Now, let’s discuss some principles that relate to these fundamental doctrines and how all of this relates to self-control. We read in Mosiah 3:19 the following: “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” We must learn to put off the natural man, to subject our will to the will of the Father. We must learn in this life to control the appetites and passions of the natural man. This is the only way to be happy and truly successful.
One principle that requires self-control is living the Word of Wisdom. I would guess, I would hope, that this is not much of a challenge for you. No alcohol, no tobacco, no coffee, no tea—no problem! Perhaps, however, there are other principles that relate to our physical bodies that may be more difficult to manage and that require self-control. How are you doing with eating wisely and exercising regularly for example? The physician in me can’t resist giving you some advice on navigating the dangerous road of choosing what to eat every day.
Much of the food for sale out there, especially the fast food, isn’t very healthy. The problem is that it is high in fat, high in calories, it is available everywhere, it is not expensive, and it is delicious. Managing our food intake requires tremendous self-control.
So, let me digress away from principles to application for just a moment and give you a few suggestions on eating.
1. Sit down sometime and write down a plan for how you will manage food, so you know pretty much in the morning what you will eat throughout the day and what you will not eat.
2. Eat more slowly. Eat until you are satisfied—not stuffed.
3. Watch your portion size. Don’t be afraid to leave some food on the plate.
4. Eat five fruits or vegetables every day.
5. Eat more cereal and nuts. These are very good food.
6. Eat fewer hamburgers and hot dogs and less pizza. I tell my friends they can eat hot dogs – one hot dog a year – on the fourth of July.
7. And finally, one day a week eat, whatever you want. From a practical standpoint, it’s good to have one day a week to look forward to eat those things that you love but that you have avoided the other days. But only one day!
What about exercise? How are you doing? Regular exercise makes a huge difference in life. It increases energy and stamina. It decreases stress and anxiety. It decreases the risk of heart disease and some cancers. It decreases body weight. It increases mental capacity. And, finally, it just makes you feel better. Pretty good medicine isn’t it? The right dose according to all the experts is five exercise sessions a week. Plan ahead when you will do it.
Now here is a principle relating to our physical bodies that often gets overlooked. D&C 88:124: “Cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.” I believe that this getting up early will make all the difference on how your day goes every day. Also, very importantly, I promise you that getting up early will open the door to more personal revelation. A few years ago, I had an assignment to accompany President Boyd K. Packer to a stake conference in Arizona. He invited me to his hotel room early Sunday morning and asked if I had any questions I would like to ask him. I said, "President, I'm so sleep, I don't think I'll be able to get up early tomorrow." No, I didn't say that. That's a joke. Of course I showed up. What an opportunity!
I said, “President, how can I put myself in a position to receive more revelation?” The first thing he said was “Get up early!” Early morning is a quiet, peaceful time when our minds are clear and we can dive into the scriptures and have our private meaningful prayer all alone. It is a perfect environment for hearing the voice of the Lord and feeling what he wants us to do. Start every day with some quiet time where you are alone and on your knees with personal prayer, some thoughtful, slow scripture study, and a few moments of serious pondering. If you will do that, we will not worry about you. By the way, as bright university students, I am sure you understand that to get up early, you must get to bed on time. Your president is a good example of both! When we were in Boston together, we were at a social one evening at the Wheelwright's home. At about nine o'clock, President Wheelwright disappeared. About twenty minutes later, Sister Wheelwright said, "You know, you're welcome to stay as long as you want tonight, but in about ten minutes, my husband is going to be down here in his pajamas." We took the hint. He is a great example of getting up early and how much you can get done if you get up early.
So, these principles relate to controlling our physical bodies—the Word of Wisdom, eating right, exercising, and getting up early. How do you do all that? I have a friend who was still running marathons in his eighties. When asked how he did it, his response was: “Left foot, right foot, left foot.” His motto was “I want to show my body who is boss!” Show your body who is boss!
Now, how are you doing with controlling your temper? How well do you control anger? Someone said that temper gets us into a lot of trouble, and pride keeps us there.
We read in Proverbs 16:32, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” That is profound. As mortals, we have lots of excuses of why we lost our temper in a particular circumstance. That is why I love this quote from C. S. Lewis so much: “When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected: I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. … [But] surely what a man does when he’s taken off his guard is the best evidence of what sort of a man he is. Surely, what pops out before the man has time to disguise is the truth. If there are rats in a cellar, you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly, but the suddenness does not create the rats—it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way, the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man—it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily, they will have taken cover before you switch on the light.”4
Now, brothers and sisters, I want to talk with you about a principle that is far more important even than controlling your temper, the Word of Wisdom, getting up early, or anything else we have talked about to this point. This is the principle of moral cleanliness—a matter that requires self-control and self-discipline.
One of the sources of greatest risk for you is sexual sin. The necessity to use your agency wisely and righteously to stay morally clean as you socialize, date, court, use the computer, watch or listen to entertainment, etc., is vital, and the option to wander is with you almost every day and sometimes every hour. Some of the most formidable sources of opposition you face at this time in your life are the temptations related to the Lord’s standard of morality. These temptations are all around you. To stay clear of the fiery darts of the adversary that seem to come at you incessantly, you must develop self-control and self-discipline. As you do, this self-mastery can be a source of tremendous joy.
The Lord’s standard is clear. You know it. You must be free of any sexual impurity including petting, pornography, self-abuse, and any sexual relations outside of marriage. There is no middle ground. You cannot have one foot in the world and one foot on the straight and narrow. Man cannot serve two masters.5 President Ezra Taft Benson said, “We must not be misled into thinking these sins are minor, or that consequences are not that serious.”6
In Alma 39:5, Alma told his son, Corianton, “Know ye not, my son, that these things are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost?” You must develop the self-control to stay clear of these things. Self-control is at the heart of being morally clean.
In Jacob 2:28, we read, “For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women.” And, I may add: of men.
Now we have discussed some important principles. Let’s now talk about application. Let me give you some counsel on staying morally clean. First of all, it is wonderful if you can learn to say “no” at the right time. Several years ago, there was a national campaign to combat drug abuse. The slogan of the campaign was “Just say ‘No.’” So, don’t linger, don’t debate, don’t hesitate, and don’t make it overly complicated. “Just say, ‘No.’”
1. David Starr Jordan: “To say no at the right time, and then stand by it, is the first element of success. … He is the wise man who, for all his life, can keep mind and soul and body clean.”
2. Charles Simmons: “It is a great evil, as well as a misfortune, to be unable to utter a prompt and decided ‘no.’”
Secondly, decide once and for all of what you will do and what you will not do. Draw the line. Plant the flag. Take a stand. Don’t let someone else set your standards. Your Heavenly Father wants you to act—not to be acted upon particularly in this area where the dangers are great. You cannot afford to follow the crowd!
President Spencer W. Kimball said, “Develop discipline of self so that more and more you do not have to decide and re-decide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide something once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding the temptation. To do such is time consuming and very risky.”7
Brigham Young said, “The sooner an individual resists temptation to do, say, or think wrong, while he has light to correct his judgment, the quicker he will gain strength and power to overcome every temptation to evil.”8
Joshua did not say, “Choose ye sometime this year that you will serve the Lord.”9 Decide now. Stay out of the devil’s territory. Don’t flirt with evil. And don’t give Satan any home field advantage by being places you shouldn’t be.
I love what Clayton Christensen says, “It is easier to do right 100% of the time than it is to do right 98% of the time.”10 Think about it. It’s true.
Now some additional counsel from some other wise men related to self-control.
1. President David O. McKay said, “The greatest battle of life is fought out within the silent chambers of your own soul. The crown of character is self-control.”11
2. President James E. Faust: “Self-mastery is related to spirituality, which is the central quest of mortality. … [It] is the ultimate test of our character.”12
3. Dr. Henry A. Bowman: “When all is said and done, there is nothing gained from premarital adventure except immediate pleasure and that at tremendous risk and exorbitant cost. No really intelligent person will burn a cathedral to fry an egg, even to satisfy a ravenous appetite.”13
4. President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Walk in the sunlight, strength, and virtue of self-control and of absolute integrity.”14
What a great source of inner joy and satisfaction to have the self-control to manage these matters carefully and righteously. I had a good friend in college. His name is David. He and I used to double date. One evening, after we had been in San Francisco to a movie with our dates, he made a statement to me that I will never forget. He was not saying it in a boastful way—he was just sharing a thought. He said, “Larry, it is such a great feeling to come home from a date and look myself in the mirror and know that I do not have any problems with morality. It is a great feeling to stand tall and know that I have these things under control.” Brothers and sisters, what a great achievement to be master of yourself. You know the scripture in D&C 121 about virtue and confidence. Your confidence, your self-confidence, your ability to look yourself in the mirror and to stand tall, will wax strong and vibrant as you develop self-control in this area of virtue and morality. I repeat, what a great feeling!
In Psalms 24:3-4, we read, “Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in His holy place? He that hath clean hands; and a pure heart.” You just can’t put a price on that commodity of clean hands and a pure heart. The irony of that verse from Psalms is that it was written by David. The thing that first got David into trouble was that he looked at something he should not have looked at. Ultimately, it resulted in his fall. As we speak of self-control and virtue, we must include the important matter of avoiding pornography. Don’t underestimate the danger of looking at things you shouldn’t. Don’t underestimate the danger of pornography. President Hinckley and President Monson, our last two prophets of God, have both spoken out in the strongest terms about pornography. This is a great threat to us. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said this: “Those who seek out and use pornography forfeit the power of their priesthood. The Lord declares: ‘When we undertake to cover our sins, … behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and, when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.’ Patrons of pornography also lose the companionship of the Spirit. Pornography produces fantasies that destroy spirituality. ‘To be carnally minded is death’—spiritual death.”15
The temptations will come. You cannot avoid the temptations. Even the Savior was tempted in all things, but he showed the way to handle them.
D&C 20:22 reads, “He suffered temptations but gave no heed unto them.” What wonderful, simple, powerful counsel: “Give no heed.”
Look to the Savior’s example. He is the perfect example of self-control. Look at what he endured as he maintained absolute self-control. As we read in Matthew chapters 26 and 27, those around Him spit in His face and buffeted Him. They smote Him with their hands. They scourged Him. They put a crown of thorns on His head. They mocked Him. They did this to their Savior—their creator—their God. Just one word from Him and there would have been legions of angels to smite those who persecuted Him. Just one word from Him and those who were mocking Him, spitting on Him, and hitting Him would have been turned to dust. But, He said nothing. He didn’t react. We read in Matthew, “But Jesus held his peace,” and later, “and he answered him (Pilate) never a word; insomuch that the governor marveled greatly.” What magnificent self-control.
Now, brothers and sisters, staying morally clean, or becoming morally clean, is doable. You can learn self-control and self-discipline. You know what it is like to live in a celestial environment. You have been there. You lived with Heavenly Father in the pre-mortal existence. We know about you from Alma 13:3, which reads, “Being called and prepared from the foundation of the world according to the foreknowledge of God, on account of their exceeding faith and good works; in the first place being left to choose good or evil; therefore they having chosen good, and exercising exceedingly great faith, are called with a holy calling.” That’s who you really are. That’s why we have confidence that you can master this part of life. We know that you will never be happy in the rationalization of “everyone else is doing it.”
You know too much.
Some of you have made serious mistakes. Some of you are dabbling or are fully involved in pornography. Take courage! Alma the Younger, Paul, and countless others have repented and have been forgiven. You can also be forgiven.
In Isaiah 1:18, we read, “Come now and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” Christ paid for our sins with His life and with His blood. Because of that, He has the right to forgive our sins. Because He is our God, He has the authority to forgive our sins. Because He loves us, He has the desire to forgive our sins. He can not only forgive our sins, as we repent, but He can give us the strength that we need to repent in the first place or to resist evil. The Atonement not only offers forgiveness of sin and resurrection, but it offers strength to meet any challenge. If you have stumbled in the past, look up, reach up, and get help. It is there.
You have your agency. It is perhaps the most wonderful gift that you have. It will allow you to grow and become like your Heavenly Father. The opposition that is necessary to enable you to grow can be met and overcome with the Lord’s help. “Man is that he might have joy,” and your destiny is to have joy as you exercise self-control, live the commandments and enjoy all of the blessings of a wonderful, eternal family. This is your true heritage. This is who you really are. I leave my witness with you that the principles of virtue and chastity are eternal principles. You have a Heavenly Father who presides in the universe. Jesus Christ is His only begotten Son and lives and guides this work in His church. I know this is true. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
1. “The Salutation of the Dawn: Poem,” OAC Review, V.41, No. 10, June 1929, 494-495.
2. 2 Nephi 2:16.
3. 2 Nephi 2:26.
4. C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (1952) , 164-165.
5. Matthew 6:24.
6. President Ezra Taft Benson, “The Law of Chastity,” BYU Devotional, Oct 13, 1987.
7. President Spencer W. Kimball, “President Kimball Speaks Out on Planning Your Life,” New Era, Sept. 1981.
8. Discourses of Brigham Young (1993), 266.
9. Joshua 24:15.
10. Clayton M. Christensen, “How Will You Measure Your Life?” General Conference, May 2012.
11. In Conference Report, Apr. 1967, 84–85; or Improvement Era, June 1967, 80.
12. President James E. Faust, “The Power of Self-Mastery,” Ensign, May 2000.
13. Hugh B. Brown, The Abundant Life (1969) , 67.
14. President Gordon B. Hinckley, “To a Man Who Has Done What This Church Expects of Each of Us,” BYU 1995-96 Speeches, October 17, 1996, 53.
15. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “Pornography,” Ensign, May, 2005.