Roger:
Aloha, Brothers and Sisters. It is a privilege to be on campus again and I am especially grateful to have the love of my life here to share the podium with me. We are not experts in the field we plan to discuss today, just fellow students who are a little further along the path than you and are continuing to learn as we go. It is our prayer that you will be receptive to the Spirit, who we have diligently sought in our preparation, and who will be the real teacher in these few moments we have together.
To begin, I would like to set the context for our remarks. Since yesterday was Valentine's Day this is a natural time to address love, dating, and marriage relationships. We recognize this may be a sore subject for some who might have referred to yesterday as "single awareness day." We also are sure you have heard multiple variations on this theme from Church leaders, probably your parents, and perhaps several others. If the principles were not so critical to God's eternal plan, and you were not so vital to Him, this topic would not be so important to have repeated. While the principles are perfect, we know the circumstances in your lives may not be, but we also know we will all be judged and rewarded "according to our works and the desires of our hearts."1 Today we will emphasize some of the doctrines encompassing life, love, and the pursuit of happiness, along with sharing some of our own experiences and perspectives from where we are on life's path.
Marriage Between Man and Woman is Essential to God's Eternal Plan of Happiness
Roger:
The Prophet Joseph taught, "Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God."2 As we move along the path, in order to make sense of most things in this life, and to be truly happy, it is necessary to understand the "plan of redemption" (see Alma 12:32), also known as the plan of salvation or the plan of happiness. At its core, God's plan provides a way for us to return to our Heavenly Father's presence to live as families. He has a family and he wants us to enjoy the eternal blessings of having a family. However, that blessing can only be ours if we follow His plan.
His plan is "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). In order to attain the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, the scriptures teach, "a man [and a woman] must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; And if [they do] not, [they] cannot obtain it" (D&C 131:2-3). Elder Richard G. Scott explains,
"In the Lord's plan, it takes two: a man and a woman: to form a whole... For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one: to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan."3
Another critical reason that marriage is so important was explained by Elder David A. Bednar, "By divine design, both a man and a woman are needed to bring children into mortality and to provide the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children."4
Because the ultimate blessing of happiness is obtained through the covenant relationship of eternal marriage we can be certain of two things:
One - because Satan breeds hate and unhappiness we can expect opposition, and
Two - because we are on Heaven's errand, we may expect Heaven's help.
Christine:
I would like to expand a little on these two thoughts:
First: Concerning the opposition we may encounter.
Satan's only desire is to thwart God's plan of happiness. His is the plan of misery. He has never given up on the attack he started in our premortal existence and since he is running out of time, his assaults are more cunning and vicious than ever. He tries to deceive, blind and hold us captive (see Moses 4:4). Elder Bednar also taught
"Satan works unremittingly to confuse understanding about gender, to promote the premature and unrighteous use of procreative power, and to hinder righteous marriage precisely because marriage is ordained of God and the family is central to the plan of happiness. The adversary's attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication... Lucifer's attacks on the plan are intended to make the sons and daughters of God confused and unhappy and to halt their eternal progression. The overarching intent of the father of lies is that all of us would become 'miserable like unto himself' (2 Nephi 2:27), and he works to warp the elements of the Father's plan he hates the most. Satan does not have a body, he cannot marry, and he will not have a family."5
Among his many efforts to distort the plan and to discourage, distract, and deceive us and thus destroy our happiness, he:
1. Corrupts the beautiful expression of human intimacy, which God has designed for the purpose of bonding between a husband and wife as well as to provide bodies for His spirit children. Any form of pornography, premarital or extramarital sex mocks the sacredness of the procreative gift and ultimately d***s our eternal progression.
2. Promotes a very selfish, me-centered culture which seeks self-fulfillment and self-gratification at the expense of self-discipline, self-mastery and selfless service. Many in the world today, like Satan in the premortal world (see Moses 4:1), essentially say, "I don't want to follow God's plan for me; I want to do it my way." Rather than living for God and each other, he would have us live for ourselves at the cost of destroying our relationships with God and with others. We must remember as Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, "In all its various expressions, selfishness is really self-destruction in slow motion."6
Second: Concerning the help we have been promised.
Nephi saw that we of the latter days would be "armed with... righteousness and with the power of God in great glory" if we honor our covenants (see 1 Nephi 14:14; emphasis added). Elder Bednar reminded us
"We have been blessed with all the resources we need to learn about, to teach, to strengthen, and to defend righteous marriage. We have the fullness of the doctrine of Jesus Christ. We have the Holy Ghost and revelation. We have saving ordinances, covenants, and temples. We have priesthood and prophets. We have the holy scriptures and the power of the word of God. And we have The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."7
With so many things working together for us, we have no need to fear those forces and influences that may be fighting against us as long as our daily choices keep us on the path towards exaltation.
May I suggest two self-evaluation questions to consider? They are:
1. Do my daily actions suggest that I am following the plan of happiness or the plan of misery?
2. Am I "armed with the power of God" by making use of the blessings provided as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to overcome any obstacles that are preventing me from productively moving forward in my life?
Roger:
In the life of every man and every woman there are four dates that are absolutely critical in our progress towards exaltation. They are: birth, baptism, marriage, and death. We generally don't have a lot of choice about our birth and death; they are just part of our march through mortality. The other two are major inflection points: baptism is essential as we enter the path towards the kingdom of God, and the seminal event that influences our eternal destiny most is the choice of a companion. President Hinckley observed, "I could wish for you nothing more wonderful than the love, the absolute total love, of a companion of whom you are proud and worthy in every respect. This choice will be the most important of all the choices you make in your life."8
Finding an Eternal Companion is Part of the Process
Roger:
One of the greatest adventures, and greatest challenges, of life is seeking for and finding an eternal companion, and then being worthy to be sealed in the temple and continuing to be worthy to retain all the promised blessings. Our Church leaders have stated,
"Dating can help you develop lasting friendships and eventually find an eternal companion. Date only those who have high standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards. A young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to help each other maintain their standards and to protect each other's honor and virtue. You must honor the sanctity of the priesthood and of womanhood."9
It seems that what is involved with "dating" is not understood very well anymore. Elder Dallin H. Oaks reminded young adults of the definition of a "date" as given by his 18 year old granddaughter: "(1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off."10 Such dates should be frequent, inexpensive wholesome activities which allow you to talk and get to know each other. This will help you fine tune the qualities that are very important to you in a future spouse and determine whether or not this person is someone you would like to know better. Elder Oaks also indicated that men should take the initiative in dating and he said you should "get on with it" as opposed to just "hanging out." While limiting social interaction to group activities may be appropriate for those of younger dating age, it is not fulfilling the responsibility that you have to find an eternal companion. Dating activities should occur regularly enough that neither the young man nor the young woman are made to feel that by asking for or accepting a date implies more than an opportunity to become better acquainted with others. There should not be artificial connections that create undue pressure on either of you or that make you feel there is a certain expectation. However, through appropriate dating interactions, you should be moving along the path towards selecting a possible eternal companion.
We understand that dating experiences can be a bit awkward. When we were your age and began getting to know each other, our first encounter was not immediately "magical." I had always thought that when two people were attracted to each other you would expect a little magnetism to exist. I thought she was wonderful and I was attracted; she thought I was an immature, dorky freshman!
Christine:
That is not totally true; however, I did learn that first impressions are not always entirely accurate. After our freshman year at BYU we both moved into the same apartment complex. Our two apartments along with another women's apartment were assigned to be a Home Evening group and so we met that first Monday evening of spring term to discuss the activities we could do together for the next few weeks. I don't remember many of the suggestions. They were probably things like playing softball, working on a service project, baking cookies etc. However, I remember very well the idea suggested by one young man. He proposed that we put a popcorn popper - the electric kind that you put oil in and add popcorn - in the center of the room without a lid on it and then sit on the floor and catch the popcorn in our mouths as it flew into the air! I was a self proclaimed "mature" 18 year old and my roommates were a couple years older and this sounded very juvenile to us! However, over the course of that term as Roger and I talked and got to know each other, I was very impressed with his spiritual maturity, his kindness, his athletic abilities, his common sense, his intelligence and the way I felt about myself when I was with him or thought about him. We became such good friends that when he left two months later to make final preparations for his mission I knew that this was the kind of man I wanted to someday marry. And so it was that he left to attend the greatest "husband university" there is - a fulltime mission - and I was left to continue my education and with experience be taught that I wasn't nearly as mature as I had thought, but had much more to learn. Although I dated others while he was gone, no one instilled in me the desire to be my best as he did.
Roger:
Perhaps those of you who are looking for a future spouse have developed a list of qualities that are important to you. They may contain such character traits as: reliable, honest, punctual, cheerful, industrious, etc., - whatever your priorities are. Some qualities are certainly more important than others. As you go about seeking a companion, remember the Lord's counsel, "The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward countenance, but the Lord looketh on the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7). We need to see each other through the Lord's lenses. We each need to find someone who inspires, encourages, and motivates us to be better whenever we are together and, perhaps more importantly, when we are apart. While it is important that there be some "chemistry" and a physical attraction, Elder Scott has counseled,
"There is more to a foundation of eternal marriage than a pretty face or an attractive figure. There is more to consider than popularity or charisma. As you seek an eternal companion, look for someone who is developing the essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home."11
Christine:
As a man and woman get to know one another through continuous dating experiences, qualities and character emerge. As I watched Roger work on his truck one day, I was impressed that he knew some auto mechanics and I was especially awed when I saw how he handled frustration. Because of the auto design on this model a certain area he needed to work on was very difficult to access and therefore it was extremely exasperating. As he made repeated attempts, I could tell he was provoked. His face got red, and his fists clenched, but, he never lost control and he didn't swear. In fact, I think the strongest expletive I've ever heard him say is "rats."
To ascertain a person's true character, you might want to watch how they act when playing a competitive sport. Observe them driving in heavy traffic. Notice how they spend money and how they take care of their possessions. You may also want to take note of the kind of people who are their close friends. In addition, you should discern how they behave toward their family when they don't know you're watching. If possible a young man should spend enough time with her mother to decide whether he likes her because almost every young woman will grow up and have many of the characteristics of her mother. A young woman would benefit from noticing how he acts toward his mother and sisters and how they regard him.
Elder Oaks gave great counsel when he said, "The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through 'hanging out' or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse's behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiance should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage." And then, perhaps to help us avoid analysis paralysis, he added, "In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection."12
Although no two people are totally compatible, the more well-suited you and your future spouse are, the easier it will be to understand each other's thoughts and feelings, and the more peaceful and satisfying your marriage can be. There will be less bumps and jolts as you grow closer together as one. Do you agree on practices for Sabbath day observance; are your political views similar; is your philosophy of child-raising congruent with each other's? These, and many more questions, should be asked and discussed as you proceed to select an eternal companion.
While compatibility is very important in choosing an eternal companion, experience has taught me that paramount among the qualities of the person you choose to marry is someone who loves the Lord first. As you look for, and prepare yourself to be worthy of that person, the most important qualities are encompassed in a commitment to love the Lord above all else, including you.
When I chose to marry Roger, I knew he loved me, but I knew he loved the Lord more. This brought great security because I knew he would love me more perfectly because he loved the Lord first. C. S. Lewis gave this inspired observation,
"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving toward the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased."13
Now some of you may think, "But if I marry someone who is totally committed to the Lord, they will never have time for me because they'll always be involved in time consuming Church service." My experience in serving in church callings and supporting Roger as he has served is that we have never given more than we have received. We have both become better people because of our service in the Church. When Church service is performed in harmony with our most important callings as husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, our families are blessed. And further, there is peace and security in knowing that someone who loves the Lord first will never be involved with marriage-breakers such as pornography, abuse, or infidelity. If our eyes are single to the glory of God (see D&C 88:67) they will not wander.
Roger:
President Spencer W. Kimball wisely counseled, "In selecting a companion for life and for eternity certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that, of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong. In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts. Emotions must not wholly determine decisions, but the mind and the heart, strengthened by fasting and prayer and serious consideration, will give one a maximum chance of marital happiness."14
Some people believe there is a "one and only" out there that they need to find. That is simply not the case. In order to recognize the companion you desire to grow with throughout eternity, however, requires spiritual maturity and personal revelation. It is important to know that the Holy Ghost will confirm or negate your choice, but not dictate to you who you should marry (see D&C 9:8). Agency is never overruled. Neither will the Spirit give any one revelation for someone over whom they do not have a stewardship. Each person must receive his or her own revelation about whether the relationship is right.
Happiness in Family Life is Most Likely Achieved when Founded upon the Teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ
Christine:
After his mission, Roger and I spent time together getting to know each others' hearts and minds. After concluding that we were a very good match for each other, we individually received confirmation in [our] mind and in [our] heart (see D&C 8:2) that we should move forward in our relationship. After a short engagement we walked out of the Provo temple as a new family unit. Following a short honeymoon, real life began: work, school, cooking, laundry, budgeting and... recognizing there were some surprising traits in each other that we hadn't noticed before.
Sister Marjorie P. Hinckley, wife of President Gordon B. Hinckley, said this about their first year of marriage:
"We loved each other; there was no doubt about that, but we also had to get used to each other. I think every couple has to get used to each other. Early on I realized it would be better if we worked harder to get used to each other than constantly try to change each other."15
Roger:
I remember hearing a story about a young man and his wife when they were just newlyweds. The husband was convinced he had married an angel - she was "practically perfect in every way." However, after several weeks of marriage he discovered that his bride had a few idiosyncrasies that irritated him a little. He decided that rather than point them out to her every time something happened (ceaseless pinpricking, as President Kimball called it), he would keep a little card in his pocket to record his notes on and prepare for an opportune time to sit down with her and share his observations. When he felt he was ready, he invited his wife to join him. After he let her know how much he loved and appreciated her, he also told her that he had noticed a few little things that he thought she could work on. He then pulled the card out of his pocket and started to go through his list. You can imagine how well that went over! He said that as soon as he did that, she pulled a long list of her "issues" out of her pocket and let him know some of the things she had observed about him. He was shocked to think that someone could find some faults in him! He decided he had better go for a walk and think about what she had said. As he was walking, he reflected on three important lessons: (1) Walking is good for a relationship - whether you do it alone or together. Either way, when there are intense emotions involved surrounding an issue, it is a good idea to let a little time and distance pass before addressing the matter so both can focus on resolving the issue and not get carried away in the emotion of the moment. (Fuel, heat, and hot air are the elements needed for creating a fire!); (2) It's a good idea to remember the sage counsel of Benjamin Franklin, who said, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards"; and (3) You cannot change another person, you can only change yourself. This young husband reported that when he started working on the things that he needed to do to make himself a better companion for his wife, all the little idiosyncrasies he had noticed before seemed to disappear. Now, I am sure that the wife was working to make herself a better companion for her husband as well. If we focus on being the right person and becoming better rather than trying to change our companion and hoping they will become better, our relationships will be much happier.
Christine:
President Hinckley gave good reason to focus our utmost efforts to our relationship when he said, "The truest mark of your success in life will be the quality of your marriage."16
We determine the quality of our marriage, whether it is miserable, mundane, mediocre, or magnificent, by small daily choices that we make. In summary, we suggest ten such choices to help any married couple build a truly magnificent marriage, one that will keep us safely on the path of love and happiness:
1. We can choose each day to keep God first. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has so wisely counseled,
"You want capability, safety, and security... in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does... Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart."17
2. We can choose each day to be unquestionably loyal to our companion. We must never berate or belittle them; always talk positively about them when we are with others. Total fidelity is an absolute. We should never give our spouse any reason to even suspect that we might be unfaithful.
3. We can choose each day to keep the happiness and welfare of our spouse forefront in our mind. Selfless service, the giving of ourselves even at some sacrifice, for the betterment of someone else, is a noble achievement and a source of pure joy. The Apostle Paul instructed, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25).
4. We can choose each day to make our communication open and honest, yet kind and tactful. We must listen with the intent to understand; know when to speak and when to bite our tongue; and remember that timing is important.
5. We can choose each day to fulfill our sacred obligations to our family. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches,
"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children... By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."18
6. We can choose each day to stand side by side when challenges and trials come. Because we live in a fallen world among fallen men, each of us will experience some degree of pain and suffering. Adversity may come in numerous ways, but for those who submit to the Father's will it is like the refiner's fire which will purify our character. As Elder Maxwell once stated, "life... cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free."19 However, when we have the strength, support, and wisdom of a loving companion, together we can withstand the heat of the fire.
7. We can choose each day to live within our means. Financial disagreement is too stressful, so work together to make a budget and avoid excessive debt. A friend once expressed that "nothing except sin will put you in greater bondage than will debt."
8. We can choose each day to look for the best in each other and cut some slack for the imperfections. A miner does not go into the mine looking for dirt, even though there is plenty there. He goes looking for valuable gems. So must we acknowledge, appreciate, and accentuate the righteous actions, abilities, and accomplishments of each other even if they are merely attempts to become better. One man related a great lesson he learned. He said,
"On her golden wedding anniversary, my grandmother revealed the secret of her long and happy marriage. 'On my wedding day, I decided to choose ten of my husband's faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook.' A guest asked her to name some of the faults. 'To tell the truth,' she replied, 'I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, "Lucky for him that's one of the ten.'"20
9. We can choose each day to work on overcoming our own faults and shortcomings and at continually becoming a better person. It is crucial that we not become a trial for our spouse to bear. Elder Maxwell has indicated that we provide each other with "clinical material"21 in our "customized curriculum"22 to become true Christians. He has further stated, "The key is to have your eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others - not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings."23 There is encouragement in the promise found in Ether 12:27:
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
There is much comfort in knowing we can repent and be better today than we were yesterday.
10. We can choose each day to be best friends. Make time for each other; laugh together; have fun together; and maintain a sense of humor. We must repeatedly say "I love you," and then back it up with our actions.
Roger:
In my work-related travels, I heard a humble man relate a story about an experience that changed his marriage and how he viewed his wife. In the culture where he lives, like many places in the world, respect and kindness, including expressions of love by a man for his wife, are withheld because women are considered subservient to men. However, while he was attending a priesthood leadership meeting the presiding general authority told the brethren that men who honor the priesthood also honor their wives. He exhorted each of them to be a "good priesthood man" and go home and tell his wife how much he loved her. He wanted to be obedient, but culturally he was conflicted. When he arrived at his house, he looked for his wife. He found her in the kitchen preparing dinner. He was earlier than she had expected and was surprised to see him. She apologized of not having his food ready and started scurrying to avoid offending him. He tried to tell her he loved her, but could not get the words to come. He left her in the kitchen and walked around the house trying to gather his courage. Finally, he went back to the kitchen, called his wife's name and said, "I love you." She was startled and asked him if he were alright. He replied, "Our leaders told us that 'good priesthood men' tell their wives they love them. I want to be a good priesthood man, and I love you!" He said that experience changed the way they thought about each other, how they spoke to each other, and how they treated each other. Humility, obedience, and expressions of love, followed by our actions can change our marriage relationships. President Monson has spoken of a quote he saw on the wall of his aunt's home that succinctly summarizes the whole process in these simple, yet profound words, "Choose your love, love your choice."24 In our pursuit for eternal happiness, may we all follow the path that will lead us to it: recognizing that marriage is essential to God's plan, finding a worthy spouse, and then learning together and living the gospel of Jesus Christ by treating each other as the celestial beings we are destined to become.
References:
1 - "The Living Christ The Testimony of the Apostles The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints", see also D&C 137:9
2 - Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith (1976), 255-56
3 - Richard G. Scott, Ensign, Nov. 1996, 73-74
4 - David A. Bednar, "Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan," Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting Supporting the Family, February 11, 2006
5 - ibid.
6 - Neal A. Maxwell, "Put Off the Natural Man, and Come off Conqueror," Ensign, Nov. 1990, 14-16
7 - David A. Bednar, "Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan," Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting Supporting the Family, February 11, 2006
8 - Gordon B. Hinckley, "Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry," Ensign, May 1998, 51
9 - For the Strength of Youth, 24
10 - Dallin H. Oaks, The Dedication of a Lifetime, CES Fireside, May 1, 2005
11 - Richard G. Scott, "Receive the Temple Blessings", Ensign, May 1999, 25
12 - Dallin H. Oaks, "Divorce," Ensign, May 2007, 70-73)
13 - W.H. Lewis, ed. Letters of C.S. Lewis, New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1966, p. 248
14 - Spencer W. Kimball, "Marriage and Divorce," 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [Provo: Brigham Young University Press, 1977], p. 144
15 - Marjorie P. Hinckley, Church News, 26 Sept. 1998, 4
16 - Gordon B. Hinckley, "Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry," Ensign, May 1998
17 - Jeffrey R. Holland, How Do I Love Thee?" Brigham Young University devotional Address 13 Feb. 2000 p. 6
18 - The Family: A Proclamation To The World
19 - Neal A. Maxwell, "Lest Ye Be Wearied and Faint in your Minds," Ensign, May 1991, p. 88
20 - Roderick McFarlane, in Reader's Digest, December, 1992
21 - Neal A. Maxwell, "A Brother Offended," Ensign, May 1982, 39
22 - Neal A. Maxwell, "But For a Small Moment," address given at Brigham Young University, September 1, 1974
23 - Neal A. Maxwell, "A Brother Offended," Ensign, May 1982, 39 as quoted in the FHE Resource Guide, 240
24 - Thomas S. Monson, "Hallmarks of a Happy Home," Ensign, Oct. 2001, 2-8