Living a Balanced Life

I am honored to be with you today.

It was mentioned that I’m an assistant to the president. I’m reminded of the story of a high school principal who telephoned the local university. He said, “I want a graduation speaker, and I want nothing lower than an assistant to the president.” The secretary said, “Sir, there is nothing lower than an assistant to the president."

When I was asked to speak today, they said, “Don’t try to be funny, don’t try to be witty, don’t try to be engaging. Just be yourself.”

The last time I gave a speech, a fight broke out. Apparently, somebody was blocking an exit.

I remember when I went to college. That was a long time ago. In those days, to get into college, we didn’t have admission tests or high school grades. Instead, to be admitted, we had to kill a saber-tooth tiger.

Science has changed a lot since I was a student. For example, when I studied astronomy, I learned that there were nine planets. That was before Pluto was downgraded to a tropical storm.

I tried to study math. It’s been reported that sixty percent of people cannot do basic math. Sixty percent! That’s nearly half! But we shouldn’t laugh, and most of you didn’t, and I appreciate that.

I would like to offer some advice as you pursue your education.

First, do your best in school. You might recall a story about a person who was asked to build a house. He decided to cut corners, use cheap materials, and do a poor job. When he was done, the owner handed him the key, and said, “I’d like to give you this house as a gift.”Attending the university is like that. You can work hard and do a good job. Or you can cut corners and do a poor job. Be fair with yourself by giving your best effort. I encourage you to work diligently, to learn a lot, and to prepare well for the future.

Second, do things to enrich your education, like working with a faculty member, doing an internship, or participating in student leadership or a student association. When you look back on your education here, these extra activities will have special meaning.

When I was a university student I participated in a musical trio. I wanted to pursue a career in music, but I was unfairly held back by a lack of talent. Our musical trio performed oldies songs. To me, they are oldies. To you, they are ancient. Somehow it was arranged for us to perform at the closing banquet for our residence halls. Surprisingly, the leaders agreed to this without giving us an audition to see how we performed. They probably never made that mistake again. The lead singer in our group had a very good voice. He was Professor Mark James, who is a faculty member here in the Department of English Language Teaching and Learning. I played the guitar, poorly. The third member of our trio played a kazoo while wearing a full-headed Wolfman mask. He was a sight to behold. Astonishingly, after we performed, the audience applauded. I think it was because of the beautiful voice of Professor Mark James—and the spectacle of Wolfman playing a kazoo.

While you are a student, you might participate in intramural sports. Personally, I’m not very athletic. I tell my students that I played football in high school. They had a play designed especially for me. It was called “Pencilneck Right.” You know how some teams use the run to set up the pass? Well, Pencilneck Right was used to set up the injury timeout.

When I was in high school I was in the chess club. I tell my students that I had a rook on my letterman’s jacket. Do you know what it says when you walk around campus with a rook on your letterman’s jacket? “Don’t mess with me, pal.” “Checkmate!”

Third, give service. It’s important to fulfill Church callings and to perform other service. Service is important for its own sake, and it helps you to keep a broader perspective and to stay balanced.

Fourth, make friends. Even though your classmates are not as good-looking — and not as humble — as you are, they are bright, good, and interesting people. The friendships you make here can last throughout your whole life, and can be a particularly sweet aspect of your university experience. Take time to make friends.

When I was in high school, I didn’t have many friends. Once I told my dad that the other kids were giving me a hard time about my religion. My father sat down next to me, and, in his fatherly way, he said, “Son, it doesn’t matter what race you are or what religion you are. There will always be people who don’t like you. Because you’re irritating.”

Fifth, enjoy your university education. It’s exciting, fascinating, challenging, and fun. The secret to happiness is not to look forward to some future time when all your problems will be solved. The secret is to be happy today.

I would like to talk about living a balanced life.

When I was a child, my family spent some summers near the ocean in northern California. My father was a high school biology teacher, and during some summers he worked as a naturalist in California state parks in the redwood forests. We enjoyed living in the redwoods and going to the ocean as a family.

One of my favorite childhood memories is digging for agates, which are small translucent stones. It was like a treasure hunt. I would sit on the beach and dig a small hole in the gravel with a piece of driftwood. When I found an agate, I would hold it up to see if the sunlight shown through it. Finding an agate was fun.

As an adult, I wanted to share this happy experience with my children. One summer we went to a beach which I had visited as a child. It is called Agate Beach because many agates can be found there. I began to dig in the gravel. However, not long after we began digging, one of my children got hit by an ocean wave. The ocean in northern California is cold, and my young daughter was wet and cold. However, I wanted to continue digging for agates, and I did. After a while Nadine told me that she was taking our daughter back to the car. I understood that it was time to leave the beach.

The agates were worth little. By contrast, my daughter was very important. But I was so focused on digging for agates that it was hard for me to pull away from it and to focus on what was most important.

In our lives we have obligations in our family, in Church service, and in our education and career. Sometimes we tend to get them inverted. Education and career can seem to be the most important things. After we meet those priorities, then we give time to Church callings, and then we give time to our family. It’s easy to understand how this happens. Our education and career make demands. They impose responsibilities and deadlines.

Our education is important. The Lord has invited us to seek learning. He said, “...[S]eek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.”[1] He commanded early Church leaders to “study and learn, and become acquainted with all good books, and with languages, tongues, and people.”[2]

An education can help us to develop personally, prepare to provide for ourselves and our family, and increase our ability to serve others. President Brigham Young said, “Our education should be such as to improve our minds and fit us for increased usefulness; to make us of greater service to the human family.”[3] President Thomas S. Monson taught, “Your talents will expand as you study and learn. You will be able to better assist your families in their learning, and you will have peace of mind in knowing that you have prepared yourself for the eventualities that you may encounter in life.”[4]

It is a great privilege to study at Brigham Young University–Hawaii. You have the opportunity to learn in an environment that is consistent with the principles of the gospel. Being a student here is a position of trust. You have the responsibility to study hard, to obey the Honor Code, and to prepare for future service. Hopefully, throughout your life you will look back on your time here with fondness, and you will cherish the memories.

Our career is also important. We need to meet our professional responsibilities, and we give service to others through our career. Our career also produces income to support ourselves and our family. However, we need to be careful, because money and status can become false gods. They don’t bring happiness in this life or eternal life in the world to come. The gospel does.

Our education and career are important. However, they are not the only things that are important. The gospel teaches what our priorities should be.

The Savior said, “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.”[5] The Savior also said, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”[6]

The prophet Jacob taught: “Before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.”[7]

William Law, an eighteenth-century English clergyman, wrote, “If you have not chosen the Kingdom of God first, it will in the end make no difference what you have chosen instead.”[8] President Ezra Taft Benson said, “We must put God in the forefront of everything else in our lives. . . . When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives.”[9]

Church members have the opportunity to give service through Church callings and in other ways. This service blesses others and helps us to develop Christlike qualities. We should serve faithfully and diligently. Sometimes we may wonder whether we are doing enough to magnify our Church callings. We need to pray about how best to perform our callings while also meeting our family’s needs and our other obligations.

Our families are a priority. Each member of our family is a child of God who needs our love, care, and attention. So how can we keep our priorities straight?

Here are a few thoughts.

First, we need to read the scriptures regularly, so that they become part of our lives. Reading the scriptures reminds us of the Lord’s commandments, the covenants that we have made to keep them, and the blessings of the gospel. Studying the scriptures also invites the Holy Ghost, which will guide our decisions and help us to focus on what is most important.

Second, we should heed the Proclamation on the Family. It says, “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”[10]

The Proclamation on the Family also says, “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”[11] These sentences are filled with truth and wisdom.

Third, we should give service to others. Service helps us to forget about ourselves and to think more about others. I remember one occasion when I participated in a service project to help a family in our ward. After the service project, I walked home in the dark. As I walked, I thought, “I have no problems.” Of course I had problems, but seeing some of the challenges that this family faced helped me to put my problems in perspective. When we serve others, we focus less on ourselves and experience more joy. The Savior said, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”[12]

Fourth, we should avoid unnecessary debt. A reasonable amount of debt can be appropriate for such purposes as obtaining an education or buying a house. However, excessive debt can put your life out of balance. President Heber J. Grant said, “If there is any one thing that will bring peace and contentment into the human heart, and into the family, it is to live within our means, and if there is any one thing that is grinding, and discouraging and disheartening it is to have debts and obligations that one cannot meet.”[13]

To avoid unnecessary debt, it is important not to confuse wants and needs. Elder Joe J. Christensen said that we should remember the line, “There, there, little luxury, don’t you cry. You’ll be a necessity by and by.”[14] A person without excessive debt has more freedom to spend time and resources on things that matter most.

How can we create time for our family and Church service?

First, we need to pray for guidance. Heavenly Father answers our prayers and will help us to meet our challenges. The promptings of the Holy Ghost will guide us in making wise decisions.

Second, we should plan, set goals, and organize our time. Planning together in family councils can help. It has been observed: you don’t find time; you make time. Also, if we examine our lives, we may discover that we could use some of our time more productively.

Third, we need to have family prayer and scripture study, family home evening, and wholesome recreational activities.

Fourth, we should seek opportunities to be with family members: reading; talking; going on errands together; and working together. Our relationships with family members will improve as we spend time with them.

Fifth, we need to make choices. Our education or our career can take all of our time if we let it. We have to choose what is important and what we should accomplish. One time at work I felt overwhelmed. There were too many things that I thought I needed to accomplish, and I was frustrated. I told Nadine about the situation. She responded, in essence, “You can’t do it all. You have to choose what you’re going to do.” We need to make choices. Sometimes this means that we need to simplify our lives.

Sixth, we should work hard. I was impressed by a story about Emeritus General Authority Seventy F. Enzio Busche. Before he was called to be a General Authority, he was the head of a printing business in Germany. At one point he learned that his largest customer had decided to do its own printing. That customer accounted for about seventy percent of his printing company’s sales. He wrote: “I was completely paralyzed for a while because I knew this could seal the doom of our company, which my mother and most of my sisters depended on for their living. I was also busier than at any time with Church work. I became more and more paralyzed with panic, fear, and despair.

“One night at about 3:00 A.M., I could not sleep yet again. I turned over in my mind the wildest propositions for this company, but to no avail. Finally, I decided to go out for a while. I got dressed quietly so as not to waken my wife. I went out in the streets. There was a light drizzle and a little fog in the air. The cold asphalt and concrete of the city increased the awareness of my hopeless situation.

“In despair, I threw myself on the ground, crying and calling on my Heavenly Father. Suddenly something happened. I heard a voice very close to my right ear speak one single word: [work]."[15]

Although he was already working hard, he decided to work even harder. He committed that for the next six months he would get up thirty minutes earlier. He also decided to use his time better. He received new insights regarding his business. His company survived. Hard work is a key to success.

Heavenly Father will help us to give appropriate attention to our family, Church service, and education and career. He wants us to succeed, and He will open the way. We need to have faith and trust in Him. Nephi said, “If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them.”[16]

Many years ago, President John Tanner attended graduate school and I attended law school at the same university at the same time. President and Sister Tanner welcomed Nadine and me to the ward when we moved in. They used to invite new students to their residence to help them feel welcome. We became dear friends with President and Sister Tanner.

President Tanner and I worked on cars together, trying to repair them. We would say, “We’re graduate students. How hard can it be?” We learned that it could be very hard. The humorist Will Rogers once said, “You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.” I proved it. We faced uncertainty about the future. We didn’t know what lay ahead. But we had faith that things would work out.

One evening I had a temple recommend interview with the stake president. He asked me whether I was fulfilling my calling. I was a stake missionary. It was a wonderful calling, but I didn’t think that I was spending enough time on it. I was going to school full-time and working part-time. I had a wife and a baby daughter. I expressed my concerns to my stake president.

He was understanding and wise. He explained that by going to school I was preparing myself for future service. He did not say that I was excused from my Church calling, or that it was okay to do it poorly. However, he helped me to have a larger perspective. Church service was an important priority, but so also was going to school. I stopped worrying so much and continued in my Church calling and my schooling. I found a balance. I had wonderful experiences teaching the gospel and seeing people come into the waters of baptism. These experiences were great blessings which I treasure.

The work that you do in your family, the Church, and your education and career is not easy. It is hard work, and it can be challenging. At times you may get tired or discouraged. Sometimes we get so focused on the details that it’s helpful to be reminded of the larger vision.

I had an experience that relates to this idea. During the summer after my first year of law school, President Tanner and I obtained jobs as groundskeepers, or gardeners, at the Oakland California Temple.

The Oakland Temple sits on a hill overlooking the San Francisco Bay. The grounds are beautiful. They include palm trees, bushes, grass, and colorful flowers. On the roof there are additional gardens, and one can climb the stairs and enjoy them. From the roof there is a spectacular view of the San Francisco Bay.

Gardening was hard work. We planted flowers and pulled weeds. We watered plants and swept sidewalks. We dug holes in the ground. I remember President Tanner standing in a hole in the ground and quoting lines from Shakespeare. We wore hats to protect ourselves from the sun.

The job involved hard work, and it was tiring. But it had a larger purpose. The temple grounds are the grounds of the House of the Lord. We helped the temple grounds to be beautiful. Temple workers, patrons, and other visitors enjoyed the peace and beauty of the temple grounds. This was a blessing to them. We tended the Lord’s garden. It was a privilege.

Similarly, the work that we do in our families, in the Church, and in our education and career has important, even eternal, purposes. It is part of the plan that Heavenly Father has for our growth and service.

We need to pace ourselves. King Benjamin counseled, “And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.”[17] We can’t do everything at once, but with the Lord’s help, we can succeed far beyond our natural abilities.

This is a wonderful time to be on earth. There are so many opportunities for education, growth, and service. Some people say that we should live each day if it were our last day on earth. It’s true that we should cherish each day and use it well. However, if you knew that today were really your last day on earth, you might not attend your classes today. You might not prepare for the future. Instead, I like President Gordon B. Hinckley’s advice: “Live each day as if you were going to live eternally, for you surely shall.”[18] President Monson said, “Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.”[19]

I pray for heaven’s blessings on you as you serve and work in your families, in the Church, and in your education and career. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Attribution: Assistant to the President for Planning and Assessment, Brigham Young University, and Marion B. and Rulon A. Earl Professor of Law, J. Reuben Clark Law School. Apologies and thanks to Johnny Carson, Michael Goldsmith, Dale Whitman, and others.

[1] Doctrine and Covenants 88:118

[2] Doctrine and Covenants 90:15

[3] Brigham Young, 14 Journal of Discourses 83 (1967)

[4] Thomas S. Monson, Three Goals to Guide You, Ensign, Nov. 2007

[5] Mark 12:30

[6] 3 Nephi 13:33

[7] Jacob 2:18-19

[8] William Law, http://www.azquotes.com/author/8570-William_Law (accessed Apr. 29, 2016)

[9] Ezra Taft Benson, The Great Commandment—Love the Lord, Ensign, May 1988

[10] The Family, a Proclamation to the World, https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng (accessed Apr. 29, 2016), Id.

[11] The Family, a Proclamation to the World, https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng (accessed Apr. 29, 2016), Id.

[12] Matthew 16:25